Art My Arse

One of the most spiritual experiences you can have is to visit the Angel of the North.

And I am certainly no philistine when it comes to matters of modern art.

But..... uh but..... what is the deal with oneandother (just visting the website to get the link turns my stomach) - and more to the point why is Anthoney Gormley wasting his time with this pile of sheep dung.

I'm not saying that the idea is bad but the probelm with it is that if you visit any municipal museum you will find art that is as bad and boring as this.

You can tell that it is going to be bad from this quote from Gormley:

"“Nudity and art go very well together, don’t you think?” Gormley, 58, said in a telephone interview. “I’m hoping that the powers that be are not going to jump on the first person that takes their clothes off or has a rant about something.”

Unless an applicant incites racial hatred or violence, the artist said, the project should be viewed as part of the same tradition as Hyde Park’s Speakers’ Corner, where people climb on a soapbox and air their views."

So in effect it reflects society about as much as the failure of that was the Dome. And as can be seen from the first batch of selectees the views and causes that are 'allowed' are about as safe and boring as the MSM.

But more startling - and perhaps the reason that this is such utter rubbish - is that the London Mayoralty have shelled out £140,000 for this and the rest of the money is coming from Sky. They are not saying how much they have contributed, but it is safe to say that the whole project is going to cost £250,000 - and it serves no other purpose than NGO's are going to be able to give their more extravert supporters the chance at five minutes of fame.

A total waste of money.

Which brings me to something that people should go and see.

Bradford film museum currently has an exibition of Don McCullen photographs which is quite extraordinary. It makes none of the wanky claims that the Trafalgar Square freak show thrusts into our face, but then it actually does reflect real life. Not least because McCullen makes clear that he spent time with the people, getting to know them and therefore his pictures are not exploitative: despite their bleakness - I use that word advisedly because the pictures of the rich are almost as soul destroying and heart breaking as the pictures of abject poverty.

And actually while I think about the museum also has an exbition called Animalism that is worth a look.

This exhibition is rather mixed because a lot of the work is similar to Gormley's 'installation' in that it is just crap. For instance there is a video of a woman kissing a dog - she is licking a dog's tongue, while the dog is licking her back - if you see what I mean. The blurb states that she is exploring the bounds of taste and challenging the viewer.... etc.... etc.... oh and diversity ..... etc.... The turth is she isn't. If she was wanking a dog, or giving a bitch cunnylingus she would be doing that sort of thing - but hey! the arts council is paying and they have clearly never noticed that dog owners are freaks who do this sort of thing all the time.

But rather than dwell on the negative, instead let's look at the positive.

For there is a truely brilliant series of pictures of close up pictures of apes faces.

What is so fascinating about the pictures is the not the anthropomophic way in which you think to yourself 'Gosh don't they look human!'. But the way in which you notice the lines and wrinkles in the faces that mark them out as individuals.

Indeed thinking about it, it is the lines and wrinkles that makes this and the Don McCullen exibition so interesting.

And I would suggest the reason that so much of the municipal art staining the landscape, and funded by the lottery, is so bad is that these lines and wrinkles that make us human are artificially created in conceptual bullshit.

For instance, this is seriously something that the people behind the wankfest in Trafalgar Square thinks is interesting:

"Artist Mark Jordan, 49, plans to sit near naked in a child's paddling pool bathing in a gallon of fake blood which, according to his website, has been 'mixed with a symbolic amount of real blood that has been taken from his friends and family'."

Nice to know that Boris Johnson isn't wasting public money.

peace:)

All Fall Down

I notice the ministry for middle class bigotry - a.k.a the comedy department of the BBC - has stopped making jokes about swine flu.

I also notice that a fifth person has died - a nine year old girl.

The strange thing - to me at least - is that whenever a death is announced it is always accompanied by the strap line - the person had underlying health difficulties. These difficulties are never explained, and given the age we live in this is likely to be soemthing that isn't a medical condition at all but simply a social more that the quango classes are seeking to stamp out in order to justify their pay cheques for attending a committee twice a month - like obesity (and before anyone starts banging on about the health consequences of obesity at least have the decency to come up with a definition that makes sense).

Swine Flu is an issue that made great headlines a month or so ago and has pretty much died down.

Which makes me wonder if in fact it is yet another thing that Labour has fucked up and is now using it's spin department to play down.

Indeed Swine Flu is rather like the war in Afghanistan - you don't hear much about it except for the occasional mention of someone or another being killed. In part because the problem is intractable and pretty much a matter of nature and geography - rather like flu. (At which point some liberal anti-war type will pipe up about war not being a matter of nature or geography, and reel off a list of geo-political nonsense, ignoring the factthat the reason Afghanistan society is structured in the way that it is, is because of it's geographical position - and the reason the wars are seemingly intractable is because of the internal combustion engine which makes total war in an earea ideal for warlordism easier and more viable)

In a sense I understand the business baout the patient having underlying health conditions, because no one dies form the flu, they die as a result of other illness that the flu enables or encourages. But it still has me wondering about the way in which the diagnosis is made.

For instance we hear reports of people being diagnosed over the phone. And I am assuming that in order to be classed as having died from the flu at post mortum you have to be diagnosed as carrying the virus.

Why I say it is a typical New Labour cock-up, is that when the story broke the government reaction was to spend, spend, spend, and we were all assured that if the virus came here then Alan Johnson would zap it with Tamiflu. Then as the story moved on there was the typical New Labour boasting about how Britian was the best prepared, and how we had more Tamiflu than anyone else. Yet last week it was largely unreported that Swine Flu is resistant to Tamiflu - or rather they had found one case in which someone was found to have a resistance - and suddenly the message is 'don't panic' and we are being told that we will no longer attempt to contain the virus, and anyway there was a new vaccine that would be ready next month and we should all wait for that.

Oh and in the meantime stand by for 100,000 cases of Swine Flu a day and corpse carts roaming the streets.

No doubt the fashion accessory of the summer will be a bunch of posies.

Oh and if there is a sudden rush for cemetary places I wonder if people will disciplined in the BBC comedy department for making 'jokes' about Swine Flu when the news first broke. Oh yes, silly me. That would be like people being sacked form Moneybox for the endless programs they ran about getting rich quick in the buy-to-let property market.

peace:)

Maggie's Farm and I'M NOT GAY

If I were one of Gordon Brown's advisers I would be more bald than I already am - because he would certainly have me tearing my hair out.

You've probably seen this video already - but what the heck!

A couple of things.

Compare Gordon's smile to that on the terrible utube video - it's warm, it's engaging, it even reveals some of the supposed charm that his supporters claim he has.

All he has to do is to sing one verse of Old Macdonald and he has the perfect photo op - since let's face it there is no other reason why this was arranged. Yet for some reason he can't bring himself to do it (unless of course he was caught in a political trap - the deal being beofre hand that he would sing 10 Little Ducks).

Oh sure people would laugh at him mooing, or neighing, or baaaing - when he is supposed to be saving the world, or whatever it is he does - but the fact is people are laughing at him anyway and surely it would be better to get them laughing with him.

It doesn't help that the clip ends with him trying to cut the singing short - poor kids having their mother's singing time cut sort by that man who moves like Bungle.

I guess it's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't - but I think he would have got a lot more credit and support for giving it a go.

And while we are on the subject of Gordon Brown.

I notice that his wife has recently become a pin-up girl in the Daily Mail with appearances at Glastonbury, showing her support for backdoor gardeners (slap hands) and apparently weeping over the plight of an autistic hacker who wanted to know if aliens existed (surely he only needed to meet the Ball's's's's's's's').

Now fair enough Gordon can't really go Glaster's, and it wouldn't help his oral sex sessions with Omaha if he were to point out that it was pretty bad form to pursue someone with mental health issues for something that really isn't that important - yes, yes, I know hacking is wrong, and it was potentially a breach of security - but this is a story that has rumbled on for years and civilisation hasn't collapsed etc, etc, etc, etc....

But the Gay Pride march is a different story.

Not least because, in true Brownite fashion, 'openly gay' (I've never seen him wear chaps) MP Ben Bradsaw has tried to make a political issue out of the issue by claiming that the Tories are homophobes - which has caused 'openly gay' Tory Alan Duncan to say 'hark at her'.

But the point being that we are expected to believe that if the Tories get in their will be harsh cuts in buggery (which there is anyway without lubricant - ouch), as opposed to a 0% increase year on year - well maybe not that which is rather a hetrocentric way of looking at it - but you get the point - it is a crap arguement (where's Mark Oaten when you need him for a joke).

I notice Clause 28 has been mentioned in this tedious spat as if somehow Labour didn't play an active role in the Bermondsey By Election - which has to rank as one of the most hypocritical pieces of electioning and lumbered the country with one of the biggest twats, namely Simon Hughes (incidentally the look on Lynne Featherstone's face at PMQ's last week was a picture - if sneers could kill...)

But of more relevance to the current situation is that it does seem rather curious for Sarah Brown to go on a Gay Pride march, and her husband's party to try to pick a fight on this issue given the voting record of her husband, their leader and the countries PrimeMinister - who on every vote on matters relating to (whisper) homosexuals has choosen to abstain.

I have an image of him rubbing her down with carbolic when she returns to the Manse that is the Downing Street bunker.

peace:)

Seig Heil To The Chequered Flag

The Times has an hilarious interview with Bernie Ecclestone.

You can tell Ecclestone is nutty by his claim that Hitler got things done. This is rather like the fallacy that Mussolini made the trains run on time because the reality is that HItler was a disaster for the German people. Sure Ecclestone may have a point if he is arguing that what Britain needs as a leader is a gambler who is willing to take risks and take advantage of it's opponent's weakness - for instance attacking on a Friday because the mechanery of government was winding down. But what everyone overlooks is that Hitler never had a plan for anything, and never saw any task through to the end - which is pretty much the problem with politicians in general.

But the weirdest claim is that Max Mosley would make a good leader.

Hang on a minute.

This is the man who got caught out in a sado-masochistic session and has spent the time since running around crying about it.

This is hardly the qualities of a good leader - Gordon Brown might be rubbish at PMQs but he doesn't go running to Schillings or Carter Fuck whenever people are nasty to him.

Surely this kind of thing is enough to make the numpties in Formula 1 realise that Mosley and Ecclestone are a disaster for their 'sport'.

But then maybe not....

peace:)

Teacher Fingered For Lewdity

The story of Crystal Defanti amuses me.

"American Crystal Defanti handed children in her class a DVD meant to be full of memories of the school year as they went on summer holiday.

But the 29-year-old's editing skills leave something to be desired.

Parents watching the DVD with their children were horrified - and their offspring confused - after the tape abruptly cut to a six-second sequence that very clearly showed the teacher pleasuring herself on a sofa.

One father told local media that DVD included a scene with the children, aged 10-11, in a classroom sharing stories.

Then, he said, the content changed.

'My son's reaction was, "Dad, is that Ms Defanti?"' he said. 'We were up until midnight doing [the] birds and bees.'"

Ok an innocent enough mistake - and let's not get into the whole sexism thing here of what would be the uproar if Ms Defanti was a man and sent out a video of her masturbating - accidentally or not.

I've had a search for the video and came up with this - utube have removed it, but the stills look pretty bad - or good depending on your pov.

Anywho....

Leaving all that aside - and the issue of whether or not she should be sacked - what amsued me was this:

"Ms Defanti, a teacher at Isabelle Jackson Elementary school in Elk Grove, California, only realised her mistake when one particularly concerned parent called to inform her what happened."

Yes that's right - one particularly concerned parent.

peace:)

ps

There is a report with the video here.

Dangerous Stereotypes

I was looking for something else yesterday and came across this.

It is a blog post that looks at the difference between UK and US fantasy and fantasy games before extrapolating this into making generalised statements about the national character of each nation.

The problem with this is, and this apporach in general, is that the stereotypes that this creates are irrelevant - and perhaps prove my maxim, 'that we criticise in others what we most dislike about ourselves.' Because the general critique is that the British are cynical, nostalgic and whinging and American are optimistic, rugged individualists.

Which is fine except it is a complete lie built on cheap journalistic coat-hangers. For instance one only needs to look at the British approach to history to see that Americans are far more nostalgic and cynical about the past - whether it be the myth of the Pilgrim Fathers, or the whole business about old buildings.

Anywho....

Later in the evening when I was still mulling over this comparison and notion I happened to watch Dispatches, Terror in Mumbai (Bombay to anyone who is not a politically correct moron). Because it stuck me that this was so perfectly reflected in the Warhammer world. Listening to the telephone conversations between the murderers and their handlers in Pakistan I couldn't help thinking of that the handler was a Slanesh demon and the terrorist's story of how he was sold to the terror group would be pretty typical of the way in which a marauder would find himself in the army.

And then even later in the evening I happened across the this video of Jarvis Cocker interupting Micheal Jackson's 'performance' at the Brits in 1996. I guess a lot of the comments were from Americans because there was a lot of 'Brit' this and 'Brit' that. And once again there was the stereotype of British cynacism.

Which is odd because what none of these commenters - and let's face it utube commenters are a pretty weird and extreme bunch - is that Jackson was being paid a billion dollars by a corporation to sing a corporate song about saving the earth - which no doubt makes me cynical for pointing this out.

Ok this is slightly moving away from the original point - which is about the difference between US and UK fantasy but it is in a way relevant.

Not least because at a very deep level the US is a deeply cynical society. One only needs to look at the election of Obama to see this. If any other country had claimed that they were being progressive by getting rid of a religious conservative by electing a religious conservative we would laugh. Yet for some reason Americans don't notice this.

Hey-ho....

peace:)

Bitch - moi?

I know feature writers in the Daily Mail are deluded but this takes some beating.

And I couldn't help thinking - without reading the story - if these two are related:

US opens 'major Afghan offensive' / Two UK soldiers die in explosion.

Oh and while I think about, I notice Daily Mail feature writer, Claudia Connell has been boring the nation again this time by claiming that a hypnotist made her believe she was wearing a gastric band - Ms Connell, not the hypnotists.

My first thought was I wished the hypnotist had made her believe that she was chained to a radiator in her tasteful minimalist home - that was deemed unsuitable for child rearing in a previous narcisisisisisisistic journalistic outing.

However when I saw the pictures I couldn't help thinking that this proves hypnotism is a scam - or perhaps that Claudia and the over numpties that 'write' peices for femail and the truely dreadful weekend suppliments would have been better advised not to do that Come Dine With Me spoof.

Now I realise that it is unfair to pick on a ladies appearance but perhaps the reason the hypnotism was unsuccessful was that the hypnotist was distracted by Ms Connell having unvarnished wooden legs - and no knees.

Oh and just when you thought that the Michael Jackson thing couldn't get any weirder. It appears that Bubbles is alive and well but too violent to attend the funeral.

Which is odd because last week it was announced by some doctor or another that Jackson had commisioned him to stuff him, pose him in his moonwalk stance and put him on display at the O2 arena with bubbles - who he had alledged stuffed at a date unspecified previously.

Conspiracy theorists might wish to speculate if this discovery of an aged psychopathic Bubbles is in fact a signal that Jackson too is not dead - as many have speculated - and no doubt the freemasons are involved - or the FBI/CIA and the Rand Corporation.

Of course it might be that this is not the real Bubbles but an imposter looking to get his hands on the Jackson millions. Or indeed is simply a violent dwarf in a chimp costume who is using his agressive demenour to stop four teenagers and dog, travelling around in a van, from unmasking him. This may well be the case, as I have not been able to find any reports of dwarf caretaker disappearing.

peace:)

Hurrah For The Great Leap Forward

I should like to thank all readers for their kind words about yesterdays 0% rise in blog posts.

peace:)

Ahhhhh.....

Gosh it's hot.

And it's a sign of my getting old that the first thing I want when I get in is a nice cup of tea.

peace:)

Cruel Britannia

The news that Bernard Madoff has been sentenced to 150 years in jail essentially shows the difference between Britain and America.

For all the talk of America being a country of rampant capitalism in which money is the be all and end all, it is interesting to compare this punishment with what he would have got had he done the same thing in Britain.

After all Fred Goodwin bankrupted a bank and now gets £500k in pension - I haven't noticed similar headlines with regard to the CEO of Lemans or Bear Sterns or whoever.

And actually the same prinsiple of seems to apply more generally.

For instance Gordon Brown has launched the relaunch of the week and his big new idea is to be tough on the unemployed - Gosh that one hasn't been tried before!?! - and as per usual this is going to do nothing, except save a few quid here and there as people are defrauded out of benefits - in an effort to force them on the target driven merry-go-round of short term work to get them off the long term unemployed register, before they become employed again and sit there until such point as they have been unemployed long enough to be pestered into more short term work or training.

Oh and there is going to be more social housing.

Yeah right. I believe that - not. I suspect that what will actually happen is that the government willl underwrite interest payments for housing associations who will spend the money on newsletters, refurbushing their offices, commisioning plans and generally doing anything but building or refurbishing their housing stock.

peace:)